So, the point.

I've been thinking about this for a long time. My reaction to another blog filled me with a desire to write about it. The point. The point of being alive, of existence.

I don't know what it is, and I never will.

Everyone is searching for it, the point. Politicians, pastors, teachers, students, intellectuals, scientists, men, women, you, me, everyone is.

We buy all of these things to make us happy, big houses full of empty rooms the parallel with our empty spirits, echoing with our sighs of discontent. We buy all of this stuff to keep us entertained, to make us feels something. We install games on our cell phones so we don't have to think when there is time to do so. We find comfort in our little groups of friends who talk talk talk and never really listen to each other. We stand in those little socialization circles at parties and shows and orientations, feeling the need to fill up the silence with meaningless words. We're all trying to quiet that small voice within us that asks "why?"

Sometimes it all drives me insane, wondering why I don't enjoy being with tons of people or going to parties. Wondering why my parents don't understand me. Wondering why I don't feel anything for anyone including myself, a lot of the time. Wondering why people hurt each other. Wondering why I was ever born.

Everything seems so pointless sometimes.

Then, there are these glorious, shining moments when we experience perfection, purpose, in life. I've had a few of them.

There was this one time that this guy was dying to go on a bike ride. I was like, no way, because I didn't feel like riding a bike. He got all pouty and all, so I caved. We went on a bike ride. I remember pedaling so fast, faster and faster, and I stood up, faster and faster, and my muscles were aching so poignantly and then I released, ceased to pedal and sat on the seat looking up at the lovely twilit sky and feeling absolutely everything, yet nothing at all. The wind was loud in my ears, and tears were forced out of my eyes by it. The air was clean and I was with a great person, and everything was entirely at peace. I felt alive.

Looking back upon those moments in my life so far, I can say this much: although I don't know what my purpose is, or what the point of anything in this life could be, I know that there is one. Maybe my point is different from yours, maybe it may not be the purpose we suspect it is, but it's there.

Sometimes you just have to ride that damn bike, even when you're feeling completely out of it. The ache is worth the release.