Life is funny sometimes.

Tonight I got punched in the face. I didn't get into a fight or anything, though. I was at this show and this dude was moshing. He came too far over to the side and socked me right in the face. One of my friends rushed me real fast to the back hallway, and was all upset, but I was fine. Honestly, I was just hoping my eye was okay. All I could think was, what if I go blind or something? But that is a pretty ridiculous worry, looking back.

Everyone was like, "ARE YOU OKAY? ARE YOU ALRIGHT?" Not yelling, really, just worriedly. The right side of my face was red, and my eye was watering, but other than that, I was okay. Getting punched in the face is nowhere near as painful as I imagined it would be.

It was actually a pretty cool experience. I know that sounds weird, but I'm glad it happened. I feel like I got to know a couple people a little bit better than I would have, had it not happened. And I'd never been punched in the face before, so if it happens again, at least I'll be prepared. Haha..

We could all use a good punch to the face every once in a while.

All in all, today was a very good day.

I'll try to post something else soon.

Stuff.

I've been living in this camper for about four days now. Things are starting to look grim. I'm running out of pants that are desirable to wear. Don't be alarmed if you notice me wearing the same pants a few days in a row.

First I was really hating on my dads idea to stay here all week, but I'm starting to appreciate it more now. Other than the rash that's starting to pop up on my face, the sneezing, and the waking up freezing in the middle of the night, it's pretty okay. It's just nice to get away from the house for a while, even if it calls for forsaking my personal hygiene a little bit.

I felt like I had so many things to say when I first started typing this up. Guess I was wrong. It's my parent's fault. They started talking to me. Ew...

head full of pesticides

I don't know what to write about anymore. My life is so uneventful. And I feel like if I write about the things that seem like a big deal to me, I'll come across as a typical teenager. But I guess that's all I am, really.

I struggle with that. I don't like to think that I'm the same as everyone else my age. In some ways I'm not, but, in the same breath, I am. Maybe I've been listening too intently to my parents, feeding me all this stuff about how I'm so unique. And the people I go to church with, they used to tell me that, too. But I know I'm not really that different. At first it hurts. It's a pride thing I guess.

I'm really wishy-washy. I say "I guess" and "I think" a lot.

It's just one of those nights. Where I'll be up listening to Bright Eyes all night, refusing to do anything but drown in the music.

I'm fine, I swear. Sometimes I just need a night to sober up from all this teenage nonsense.

Oh my..

I'm on the Common Application Website and it feels like my whole life has been culminating to this night, sifting through college applications and scrambling to find SAT scores, transcripts and all that other academic junk.

I feel like I didn't do enough research. I didn't schedule enough visits. I didn't request information earlier. I haven't started applying for scholarships yet.

I feel so afraid. I'm scared that I won't get accepted to my top choice. I'm scared that my top choice isn't where I really am supposed to be. I'm scared that I might not be interesting enough to get accepted at the big universities, and then if I do, I'll feel out of place. I'm scared that, if I get accepted to multiple different colleges, I won't be able to choose, or I'll pick the wrong one and be miserable. And poor! College is expensive.

And, what if, once I'm out of college, I can't get a job anywhere. I'll have loans to pay off, and bills to pay, and no income. What if I have to start living with my parents again?

I'm counting on this one program that a certain school may or may not offer. I would go to another country for two years and teach. At first, I was like, how awesome? But I've been thinking about it a lot. So many things can change in four years. I could lose all interest in teaching. Or maybe I'd be offered a sweet job straight out of college. I could move to the city and start living. Maybe I'd even want to settle down, God forbid.

I don't know. I guess I'll figure it all out.

There is like an hour long gap between my last sentence and the entire beginning of this. Since then, I have been furiously writing down dates, lists, etc, in my new "College EVERYTHING!" composition book. I have creeped on facebook, commented and liked a few things, and I'm now researching Islam. It's 12:44 PM and I have to get up at seven tomorrow morning for school. JOYJOYJOY!

I'm going to organize the ever-growing list that's all jumbled up in my mind right here.

-research colleges, including deadlines for application, application fees, letters of recommendation, transcripts, etc.
-memorize All-State music, take time out of class for lessons.
-keep up with dates for work, school stuff, vacations, AP work, and field trips
-study for AP Psych, keep up with modules.
-research and plan for senior project, make a contact in the community, get started on paper, update forum.

I know you're so not interested in this, but this really is like my diary. And writing things down, whatever, typing, helps me to remember things.

Hopefully after this year, things ease up. But I doubt it.

Emotions I'm experiencing:
-anxiety
-happiness
-exhaustion
-apathy (leading to)
-extreme attention to detail
and let's not forget
-confusion

In other words, it's stressful, but I think all of this is going to be worth it in the end.

-optimism

List.

Things I Do Instead of Homework:
-Facebook
-Blog
-Twitter
-StumbleUpon
-Listen to music
-Sing/dance/singing-dancing combination, which leads to...
-Performing to an invisible audience in my room
-Play ukulele (when it's fully stringed)
-Read poetry
-Write on my dry-erase board
-Day-dream
-Consider studying/doing homework, then...
-CLEAN
-Play dress up/plan Halloween costumes/full face makeup, including five-o-clock shadow
-Watch movies
-Organize/sort-through papers, drawers, et cetera
In other words, pretty much anything except studying. Tonight is one of those nights.