Stress.

I get stressed out really easily. I guess it's hereditary. My grandmother used to be a hypochondriac, and when I was younger I always thought there was something wrong with me. Like, I saw this commercial with Jennifer Aniston this one time when I was around twelve, and it was about this little girl who had a brain tumor. She talked about how she kept getting all these headaches, and that was why. So I used to get all paranoid that I have a tumor whenever I had a headache that lasted a few days. I don't do that anymore, thank goodness. Now I just stress over really little things.

But now, it feels like the things that should be little aren't. I always thouhgt applying to colleges would be a breeze, but now that I'm attempting to do it, it doesn't feel so easy. I just keep thinking, this is my future, and I'm going to be in so much debt, and what if I don't get accepted and what if I can't find a job after college.

Forget the island. I just wish that I could go back in time, when things were simpler. Maybe before America was even settled by the English. Well, maybe not that far back.

I keep thinking that maybe I was born in the wrong time period, but really, everyone had/has/will have stress at some point in their lifetime, so I just need to suck it up. My biggest problem is, I always complain about really little things, without even thinking, and I probably come off as such an ungrateful person. I hope it's not become part of who I am.

Last night at youth group, my pastor told us to clothes our eyes and picture a mirror before us. He told us to look into the mirror, past the skin, and really look hard at what we saw. I saw me, the way I always look, but there was this weird look about me. I know that might sound really stupid, but it's hard to describe. I just don't want to become something loathsome.

I just feel this yearning for truth and peace inside of me, but I feel like it is so hard to attain. I don't want to be selfish, but I find myself thinking about myself constantly. I don't want to live a life simply for myself. I want this constant lump in my throat to go away, and I want to be happy and thankful for what I have.

I know this probably is so annoying to read, forgive me, I just need to vent, and I type faster than I write.